Hate is such a strong word...

But oh how I hate thee med schools.

Remember when you said we would know 6-8 weeks after?

Then you said more like March.

I was SSOOOooo excited for March.

Now it's March first and you send out emails

you inform us that now you aren't going to let us know until

April.

Couldn't it have waited until like the middle of March

to inform us of such a tragedy?

That way I would have already expected it to be later,

since we still hadn't heard.

Instead all sorts of hopes are dashed,

before we even get to pretend what it would be like to know where we're going.

You're really making me rely on a lot of faith.

Remember how I told you I really suck at tests???

This test needs to end. It's been ongoing since October.

Do you think going to the temple once a week, in hopes of getting blessings...

and getting accepted sooner will work?

or is it blasphemy?

As I sit here and complain about not knowing where we will be in 6 months, I complain about how stressful it is not being able to plan out the future...vacations with family, friends, how critical it is to "hang" with them before we leave...will we leave?? Needless to say Tyson and I have been ...struggling... a bit with what we're going to be doing. I have been cranky, Tyson's been stressed. I keep getting mad, Tyson keeps thinking that if he only did it this way or said that. We both cry. It's been rough for both of us and I have this horrible "Woe is me" feeling that just wont leave me. Then my mind is turned to my amazing Aunt Becky. She was diagonosed with cancer. As I sit and read her blog I wonder how in the world I think that I have the right to complain. I still am healthy, Tyson is healthy. The only problem we seem to have is we are stuck. We're not really sure where we are headed, or as in Becky's metaphor from her post Long and Climbing Hill we are currently "pulled over". Up to this point, or up to the point of reading that metaphor, being "pulled over" royally sucked. I hated it. I'm very OCD in needing to know what i'm supposed to be doing. (which is rough in a world where you really don't/won't know your future.) I need to know or have to have an idea of what I will be doing, and this not knowing doesn't work for me. It's hard. Tough. Scary. However after reading that, I'm so thankful that I'm not broken down, or that I'm not going the wrong way entirely. Right now we are just pulled off on the side of the road. Maybe looking at a really pretty waterfall. I am so grateful for Becky's insight. Here she is, the one who is diagonosed with cancer, and she's uplifting me. She's helping other's (as well as herself) and all I've been doing is complaining. Maybe I need to start looking around me, enjoy everyones company. Laugh a little more. Smile at strangers. Help out a friend. Show my love to others. Support and grow better friendships with my family and with Ty's family. I hope that I will be able to remember this, and maybe take some time to stop and smell the roses.