Accepting...

!!!Super-Cal-A-Frag-A-Lis-Tic-Ex-P-Al-A-Docious!!!

...Oh wait the song I'm looking for is really....

"A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, the medicine go do00wwwnnn, the medicine go doowwn"

And yes. I'm going to need the worlds supply of sugar.

Okay. Here goes me, swallowing all my pride. So Tyson got rejected from Duke and Iowa. Duke I kinda figured he would be accepted to, I mean really he doesn't come from a daddy who's donated a buttload of money to the school and programs, so yeah, I get that one. I still find it AWESOME that he was at least able to get an interview out of them....so I'm proud of him for that. Iowa though...you see they were our fall back on. The school you apply to just so you can "make sure" you get in. Wow that totally backfired on us, didn't it. I'm really bummed. It's been so hard learning to accept the fact that I'll be moving, and I don't know how many times I have prayed asking for the strength, and FINALLY when I have the strength to move out of state and feel as if I'll survive, the rug is pulled out from underneath us, and BAMM you fall flat on your butt!!

What can a person really expect though. It's life. It'd suck (kinda) if you knew EXACTLY what was going to happen every stinking day...(kinda, I wont lie that right now I feel as if I'd be okay with knowing what would hapen...actually I take that back. I don't want to know what trial I will be faced with until it comes.)

Anyways it's been super hard learning to rely on faith and prayers. I have a testimony. I do. I know the Lord answers our prayers too. I also know without a shadow of a doubt that whatever happens, happens for a reason. (only I'd like to insert my own reasons and happenings into that...haha) So basically I've come to one spot that I'm still struggling with.

Why.

Why?

Why would I be able to "feel" right about moving, if I'm not going to move? Why would we feel right about going to school if we don't end up going? Why do we need to do it again next year, we're already in a load of debt. We'll gain more debt applying next year, and cripes, I can't even comprehend the amount of butt loaded debt we'll be in once he really starts school! So WHY are told to stay out of debt, but we are also told to get as much education as we can...those things don't exactly go together anymore...tuition keeps going up!!

I've decided I have this trial for 2 reasons.

1. Well I need to let go of some pride. (Is it prideful to admit that you are prideful and that you want to try to not be so prideful??) I mean I was pretty sure Ty would get accepted. I went on with life like he was...when he really wasn't, and it's be the hardest thing EVER to admit that we probably wont get in this year. The HARDEST. I guess I didn't want anyone to know that Ty didn't get in. I didn't want anyone to think that Ty wasn't as good as he is. Prideful? Yes. But only because it was my reasoning behind it. I didn't want to tell anyone because it wouldn't "LOOK" good for us. It'd make possibly look bad. I couldn't handle that. Do I still think Ty is super smart. Heavens yes. Do I still think he is amazing? Yes. I just think I need to try not to be so focused on what others will think of us. Maybe focus a little more on us.

2. Learning to rely on Faith and Prayer. Like I said before, I have a strong testimony of Prayers. However, all of my mixed up mumbo jumbo of feelings have really started to throw me for a loop. I don't know how many times Satan has gotten in my head telling me that non of it is true...If it was true we'd be in...or really if we felt it was right to apply here, but that school just doesn't accept us, really no matter where we apply matters at that point. That has been Satans strongest argument against me. Sometimes I've stumbled. Other times I've fallen HARD. But I've had an amazing husband who picks me right back up and helps me keep moving forward. Yes. Faith is hard. You have to constiently be working on it. Consistently watering it. (like the mustard seed...) It's hard. Prayer. It's always there...but learning to utilize it...learning to not only pray when you are struggling, but when you're happy, sad, overjoyed, grateful. Think of all the times you "text someone" to tell them something, wouldn't our Heavely Father want to know about all of that too? Learning to Really pray, and learning to really listen. Who knows maybe I'll really need to lean on faith and prayers later on in life, and so learning it now will only help me out.

Well friends, that is me spilling my guts. That was me putting all my thoughts out there and learning to accept it and knowing I can move forward and it'll all be okay.